Life is a Highway...

First blog in a little bit.  Been busy at work.  Not sure if anyone reads this anyway but as I mentioned previously I'm doing this mostly for me anyway.

Tonight they're playing the last game in Yankee Stadium.  I guess in a way it's a metaphor for change.  It's inevitable.  Sometimes we may not like the change but we have no choice but to adapt to the change.  The only change we can influence is the change in ourselves.  We have no other control except for what we can directly control ourselves.

It has taken me a while to realize this and at times I still struggle with things.  There are days when I don't like the change that has occurred to my life over the past year or so.  I still believe there were a lot of things that could have worked out differently if people were willing to try.  

But life is a highway.  It is a journey.  Cliches maybe but it truly is the sum of all of our experiences that define us and how we choose to deal with the bumps in the road.  Life is too darn short to worry about it after all.

So for those of you who are reading this....thanks....and always see you further up down the road!

JC

Sunday, Bloody Sunday

First of all, thanks to the few of you who found your way here and have sent me a comment or a show of support.  It is appreciated.  For the most part, this blog will deal with separation and divorce, specifically what I've experienced or am experiencing but from time to time I may post on general type items or whatever might be floating around in my brain at any particular moment.  Music, movies, work....whatever.

It's Sunday and the kids have gone back to L's house now.  It's always a tough time of the weekend.  Fortunately I have a fairly liberal visitation schedule with the kids....every other weekend and every Tuesday and Thursday evenings.  Add in sporting events and fortunately I see the kids quite often.  It's a far cry from being with them all the time and living with them but at least I have that.

What I wonder sometimes is if I am compensating too much with the kids.  I've definitely spoiled them over the summer.  I guess the bonus is that I'm certainly spending more time with the kids than I ever have in the past.  I always thought I was a good dad however.  It is hard knowing that there is another male influence in their lives and that especially my youngest (2 1/2 years old) will have no memory of me ever being in the house.  It broke my heart the first time I heard him say L's boyfriend's name.  

I'm often asked "how are the kids doing?"  Quite frankly I'm not sure.  They seem to be adjusting alright.  Divorce is quite common these days unfortunately.  My oldest has inherited my trait for keeping things inside.  The youngest is oblivious to what the situation is and has a whole new reality to deal with.  The middle ones are the tough read.  My oldest son is a bit of a concern.  I know it's been hard on him.  I've always felt a special bond with all my kids and especially him.  I have to make sure to have some patience with him and talk to him as much as possible.

When I was at my lowest point this spring/early summer is was the thoughts of the kids that saved me.  I will be eternally grateful for their love.  I recently turned 40 and for my birthday they bought me a "Build A Bear" dressed in a Toronto Blue Jays outfit.  Nice!  They told me they put 4 hearts in it....one from each of them.  My kids are amazing.

That's it for now......see you all further up down the road.

JC

The First Post

Hi my name is Joe and welcome to my blog.  First a couple of things.  The blog is called the Divorced Dad Diary.  Technically I am not yet divorced but I am separated.  The "Separated Dad Blog" just didn't sound good.  Alliteration rules! Secondly I hope to enter something as often as I can but I doubt at this point it will be daily.  Who knows - we will see I guess.

I am not a writer at all.  What this will be is stream of consciousness type of writing.  Hopefully it will make sense.  I'm not going to spend a lot of time editing or thinking about what to blog about.  If I feel like saying something, I will come on and say it just as if I was having a conversation with you.

The purpose of this blog is to give me a place to air my thoughts as to what's going on with my life and in the process maybe help a few guys that are going through or have gone through the same kind of scenario.  It's not easy at all and we all need help from time to time whether or not we want to admit it.  Basically I am doing this for me.  If along the way, letting others know what I've gone through or am going through helps someone....then all the better!  Over the past year I've been down about as low as one can go and I know there's others that have been there too.  

I want to say a few words about what this blog will not be.  At no time will I use this forum to trash my ex nor will I tolerate any posts that do.  This is not the place for that....go somewhere else if that's what you're looking for.  I will not use her name but I will refer to her as "L".  I think it's only fair after all she is a person.  I will also try not to focus much on the past but it will be necessary from time to time as the past is what has gotten me to this point.  I'm trying to live in the now more and more.  This is a process!

Secondly if you contact me I will certainly try to contact you back but it may not be immediately.  I apologize in advance for that....I do have a very active life with 4 wonderful kids and a full time job that keeps me traveling across Canada quite frequently.

So hopefully you will find these posts interesting, entertaining, informative and helpful.  If you know of any other divorced or separated men who you might think could benefit from being here then invite them to take a look.

Thanks - and see you all further up down the road...

JC